WORLD NEWS

Daily Recommended Brains Intake For Zombies Cut By One Brain

21st Nov 2009

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - The National Dietary Council for the Undead has changed its own guidelines on the amount of brains an average Zombie can healthily gorge on in one day, from six down to five brains...MORE

LOCAL NEWS

Outwardly Happy Teenage Girls Inwardly Unhappy, Local Man Pleased To Note

21st Nov 2009

LONDON UNDERGROUND - An animated group of teenage girls, enjoying the early exuberance of youth on the Bakerloo Line at 8.45am this morning....MORE

IN PICTURES

Is The Rise In Concern Over Smoking Cannabis Linked To This Picture We Keep Showing?

MORE IN PICTURES

READER'S POLL

Your favourite iPhone Apps:

A (32%) Jobs App - Tells you exactly how long Steve Jobs has left to live.

B (27%) Smug App - Finds people nearby without an iPhone, and calculates how much better that makes you as a person.

C (22%) Meetings App - Makes approving hm-hmm noises when you speak in meetings.

D (19%) Superman III App - Wires suddenly wrap round your face in poorly filmed stop-motion animation.

COMMENT

Thanks For The Meaningless Sex, But I'm Actually Looking For Something Even More Inconsequential

By Some Guy

22nd Aug 2009

Wow. Thanks. That was great. Good work. Do you often do that? I mean we barely even know each other, but, phew, that was just, the most totally, empty experience I've ever had.
Gosh, y'know, we've been in each other's company for almost five minutes now, and I feel we're making some kind of connection. Actually it feels like I've known you for almost 15 minutes. So I think you'll understand when I say, I need some space.
Don't worry, it's not your fault.
You see, I'm just not ready for the kind of commitment that being randomly picked out of a crowd of people for drunken intercourse brings. I have to be honest, there's just no way I'll be there for you the next time you're wasted and want to have sex with the first guy you see.
Look, I'm sorry if you were after a quick, no-strings-attached fuck. I'm actually after something much less than that.
Even this shallow, hollow union had way too much emotional depth for me.
Call me a commitment-phobe, but let's just not say another word, wipe the puke from our clothes, and return to the party like the complete strangers we were just moments earlier.
Hopefully we can do this in an equally meaningless and emotionally detatched way again sometime.

info@thekipper.co.uk